Recently I had a conversation with a friend, who just kept saying things like "I have to do this" and "I need to do this" etc.
As he was describing his day, I noticed I was getting more and more anxious. It was like his words were creating anxiety in me.
Then it hit me - when you look at him as a person, he always seems a bit on the edge, like he is in a hurry, like the world is chasing and pushing him around.
For the fun of it, I challenged him to repeat the same thing that he "has" to do, but this time to use different wording.
Instead of using "I have to", I asked him to use "I would love to" and "I want to".
So he started saying the same things, only this time using the new wording.
Instead of saying: "Today I have to get to the office early and get some work done, as I have an important meeting and I have to make a good impression"
Turns into:
"Today I would love to get to the office early and get some work done, as I have an important meeting and I would really want to crush it and make an impression".
The feeling was totally different. Before I felt anxious, now I felt excited, and even a little bit like I would want to be a part of it! It sounds so exciting I would want to get in on it!
This is the power of wording.
It is easy to get into the same old patterns of speaking that was passed down by the people around us, like our parents, teachers and peers.
But when you start play around with the words, a whole new world can open up!
I know that some of you will say: "Yes, it's easy to say it! Try having some real obligations, and see how you feel about "playing" with them!"
Again, words are just words. You may have some real obligations, but using words that make you feel even worse about those obligations won't help you get them any faster or better.
In fact, using words like "I need to" and "I have to" will mostly make you feel more stressed, more anxious and more out of control of your own life.
And given that you have to rise up and get your obligations done anyways, wouldn't it make sense to enjoy them more?
Or is there some unwritten rule that you "have to" feel pressed and stressed because you have obligations?
Is there some rule that prevent you from trying to actually enjoy the things that you "have" to do.
Wouldn't it make much more sense, if you took what you already "have" to do and make it more motivating to do it?
Instead of saying: "I have to go to school and study for my exams" --> You say: "I really want to go to school and give my best at exams."
I have to get this thing done today! --> I would love to get this thing done today.
I have to go to work! --> I want to go to work!
I have to get my car fixed --> I would really want to get my car fixed to day
The key here is to watch your wording, and more importantly - how it makes you feel.
Does it make you feel more anxious, stressed and pressed - or does it make you feel more free, at ease and like you are in control of your time and life?
You're going to "have" to do the things anyway - so doesn't it make more sense to feel better about doing those things?
EXERCISE
Now it's your turn.
What are the obligations, or things that you "have" to do?
Write them down now, and play with the wording.
I have to [INSERT OBLIGATION HERE] -- > I would love to [INSERT OBLIGATION HERE]
Play with at least 3 of the things that you "have" to do and notice how does the new wording make you feel?
ACTION STEP
For the following week, notice your wording. What words do you use and how do they make you feel?
Then as you catch yourself using certain words, in your mind, play with them. Use "I would love to" or "I want to" even for the things you don't think you would love to or want to do!
But use them anyway, and notice how it makes you feel.
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