The other day I spoke with a friend who recently stopped smoking.
I was intrigued about what made him stop, and how was the process of stopping for him.
He told me he was able to stop by reading this book, called How To Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.
I was curious about the book, and as he was explaining it, I asked him:
"How long did it take you to read it?"
He said:
"I read it in a couple of days, but it took me 6 months to actually decide to read it."
I thought that was interesting, so I asked him further:
"Was it the book that made you quit smoking, or was it you deciding to quit and then using the book as a tool to do it?"
He said it was the latter.
And this is how I stumbled upon the secret to change.
A lot of people talk about changing, starting a new habit, or achieving a goal.
But how many are actually doing it?
There's a huge list of books, videos, podcasts and everything on HOW to do it...
But still many people aren't doing it.
Because the formula is very simple:
TOOLS ≠ CHANGE
The starting point of change is not the HOW to do something...
The starting point of change is when you actually have a real reason WHY you want to change.
In other words, when you actually decide to change, that is when you change.
The bigger, more specific, and more real the WHY, the easier (if not effortless) is the change.
Change does not take years to happen. Change happens in an instant, when you clarify with yourself that you really WANT it.
> You want to quit smoking and you decide to do it.
> You want to lose weight/start exercising, and you finally decide to do it.
> You want to build a business, and you decide to really do it.
> You want to be in a committed relationship, and you decide to be in one.
> You want to get your life in order, and you decide to do it.
Until you do, everything you do is meaningless.
You are wasting your time with diet programs that you get excited for 2 weeks and soon quit.
You are wasting your time getting coaching that you quit after a month.
You are wasting your time starting new business projects that you won't finish.
If you haven't decided, don't even try starting.
Is there a way to make yourself to decide?
Yes, there is. However, in my experience, it is hard to artificially replicate the natural process that you have to go through in order to come to a moment of a clear decision.
Like everything, making a big decision starts with something small.
It may start as a casual thought that you don't really like what you're experiencing.
And like anything, that small idea gradually grows into a serious intention, until it reaches a peak with a clear decision.
And once it does, the rest is easy.
You will find that exercise program, you will find that book, you will find that guide/mentor/course or whatever other resource you need to get to where you want to get.
EXERCISE
But if you would still like something you can do right now, here's an exercise for you.
Take a sheet of paper, and draw a line through the middle.
On one side, write:
"What will happen if I stay the same?"
Now start writing. What will happen if you keep doing what you're doing in the future?
Where will you end up in 3, 5 or even 10 years?
Think of all the things that will happen if you don't move and change?
Now, on another side, write: "What will happen if I do change?"
What are all the positives that will happen if I change?
Where will your life lead and how will it look like in 3, 5 or 10 years?
Speaking of smoking, I have another friend who also recently quit, and he said that even though he thought about quitting for a while, it wasn't until he was looking at his newborn child, that something clicked in him.
He suddenly couldn't rationalize smoking in front of this new human being that he wanted to be a role model for.
Another friend of mine who decided to start a business, said the key moment came for him when he thought about his niece and nephew going to school, and wanting to help provide for them to get to the best schools.
If the reasons you list are empty or devoid of any meaning, they won't be strong enough for you to make a change.
Try to dig deeper, and really ask yourself: WHY?
"Why do I want change?"
Do you have a strong enough reason?
Ultimately, it is up to you.
A lot of people talk about it, but never do it.
No amount of books, courses, podcasts, videos or anything else will help you decide - until you make that shift inside of you.
"I want something different, and I know WHY".
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