Life often presents us with challenges and setbacks, both big and small.
How we respond to these challenges can significantly impact our well-being and success.
In this blog post, we will explore three very different responses to life's challenges:
Resisting, Resenting, and Researching.
When faced with a challenge, some people's response is to immediately resist it.
They deny its existence or refuse to accept it as reality.
They'll avoid, complain, and refuse to acknowledge the reality of the situation.
By resisting, they try to shield themselves from having to take any responsibility to actually do something or respond appropriately.
For instance, let's say an aspiring author receives a rejection letter from a publishing house for their manuscript.
Resisting the situation in this context might involve refusing to accept the rejection as a reality.
The individual, instead of acknowledging the setback, may persist in believing that their work is flawless and that the rejection is a mistake.
They might continue submitting the same manuscript to other publishers without making any revisions or seeking feedback.
This resistance-oriented mindset can hinder their growth as a writer and delay their path to eventual success.
Here's Whats Going To Happen If You Keep Resisting:
Missed Growth Opportunities: Resisting the reality of rejection can prevent you from learning valuable lessons and improving your skills as you persist in your unchanged approach.
The thing is, as you keep resisting and acting childlike, you're blocking any growth that you would get by actually resolving the issue at hand.
As you keep deluding yourself into believing whatever you think is true, you never develop the ability to respond to what is actually going on.
Into what kind of a person do you think you are developing yourself into down the road?
Do you think successful, high-performing people have the ability to face what is happening and deal with it?
Doing this will make you a less effective person overall, less respected and definitely less accomplished.
Another common response to challenges is resentment.
In this mindset, a person feels sorry for themselves and may engage in blame, self-pity, or complaining.
Resentment often arises from a sense of unfairness or the belief that the world or others are responsible for their difficulties.
Example: Coping with a Layoff
Let's say you've been working for a company for many years, and unexpectedly one day, your boss tells you they need to lay you off due to corporate downsizing.
Resenting the situation in this context might involve reacting with frustration, anger, a sense of victimhood or all of the above.
You feel wronged by the company, the economy and blame your colleagues who have kept their jobs or even blame the entire industry for its unpredictability.
In the Resenting mindset, you may engage in constant complaining about the unfairness of the situation, making statements like, "It's not fair that I lost my job," or "I can't believe they did this to me."
You may spend significant time dwelling on the perceived injustices, feeling sorry for yourself and often talk about how the world is against you.
What resenting a situation will do:
You will stagnate and not grow: By choosing the victim mentality as your response, you won't be able to truly navigate this life challenge and learn from it. Biggest gifts are usually come wrapped in a problem, and by facing the challenge head on you get to grow and inevitably become a better, more stronger version of yourself.
You won't be too fun to be around: Constantly blaming others or external circumstances can create a lot of negativity in your relationships. Even if you think this isn't happening and you are hiding it well, the sense of an amputated spirit is very much in the air - and people can feel it.
You'll give up control over your destiny: Ultimately, the biggest thing that indulging in resentful attitude is that you give up your sense of control over how your life is going to play out. You always have a way of responding. And there is always something you can do about the situation. The question is, will you?
Resenting takes away your sense of agency, your sense of power, making you very weak in the process.
The third and most constructive approach to challenges is the mindset of researching and responding.
This mindset involves taking a step back from the emotional reactions of resisting and resenting and instead engaging in a thoughtful, proactive response.
It includes:
Research: Gaining a deep understanding of the challenge, its causes, and its potential solutions. This may involve seeking information, asking for advice, or consulting experts.
Acceptance: Fully accepting what is happening, facing it head on with a full realization that this is a challenge that life decided to throw at you. No sugar coating it, no blaming or victimhood, but starring it directly in the eye.
Forward Motion: When you stare the challenge in the eyes, you're not avoiding it, blaming or resenting, you get to move forward. Sometimes it means doing things you don't necessarily like, but doing them because they are necessary.
Let's say for an example that you bought a car, which you soon find out is actually broken beyond repair.
Rejecting the situation would be to burst into anger, call the person who sold you the car up and name call them until they hang up.
Resenting the situation would be to start feeling sorry for yourself, say: "Why does this always happen to me?", blame the people for being cheaters, blame the government for allowing these things to happen unpunished.
Researching and responding however would mean to stay calm, and research your options.
What actually happened? Are you sure the person did this on purpose? If yes, what are your options?
It would then mean calling the person and explaining that you noticed the car not running well, and that you'd like to bring the car back and ask them about it. By their response, you could then determine if the person actually knew about the problem or not.
By responding intelligently, you can save yourself a lot of hassle, money and uneccessary frustration.
Why Researching and Responding Serves You Best:
Effective Problem Solving: Researching and responding allow you to tackle challenges with a well-informed strategy, increasing your chances of success.
Personal Growth: By facing challenges head-on, you can grow and develop resilience, adaptability, and problem-solving skills.
Positive Mindset: Adopting a responsive mindset promotes positivity and a sense of control over your life.
Conclusion:
In life, you will inevitably encounter challenges, and how you respond to them will make all the difference.
Remember that ultimately, your response is your choice.
While resisting and resenting may offer temporary relief, they often lead to stagnation and negativity.
On the other hand, embracing the responsive mindset of researching and responding empowers you to take control, learn, and grow through whatever life throws at you.
By developing this mindset, you can navigate challenges more effectively and become a more resilient, powerful and successful individual.
So, the next time life throws a curveball your way, consider which of the three Rs will guide your response.
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